The Perfect Imperfection

This week's honorary Pred must go to a group-- one that has successfully failed in the face of great opportunity, that has refused to refuse to yield against all odds, that has steadfastly heard the call to arms and has each time conscientiously objected. That group, of course, is the Detroit Lions.

Though my many devoted readers might object to this seemingly contradictory definition of predation, I can only say that to deny the Lions their rightful place as one of the most remarkable factions of humankind is to spit at the very foundation of what it means to pred. Though sport offers teams the unique opportunities to wipe the slate clean after each game, to regroup and improve through practice, watching film, scouting, and effort, the Lions have shown that these opportunities are mere possibilities, not mandates. They bring with them to every contest a dedication to the mediocre, a contract with the laughable. They have entered into sexual congress with Lady Loss, and they will be damned if they leave their partner unsatisfied.


John Kitna proudly eschewed pride until his body failed to predate further.

And it is not easy: thrice against division rivals, the Lions have almost fallen prey to that fair-haired seductress, Pride. They led the Green Bay Packers in the second half in week two, and twice held leads over the Minnesota Vikings deep into the second halves; but each time, the brave hunters from The Peninsular State regained their composure and poured it on toward the finish line of infamy. In week two, after taking the lead, John Kitna quickly threw two consecutive pick-sixes. In week six, they took it down to the wire before lying down to a Ryan Longwell FG as time expired in the game. This past week, they held a fourth-quarter lead before finding the fortitude to capitulate at last.
ABOVE: Visiting Predators deftly hide their mandibles with elaborate disguises. The writing on the head-dresses belies the admiration of these Preds for Detroit.


Truly, this assortment of history's finest worst has found so many ways to fail that they honor us all. They will not be a bland footnote-- they will make such a splat from such a height that we will crane our necks for generations to catch but even a glimpse of this spectacle. And if we learned anything from Predator, it is that sometimes great warriors must fall for the benefit of humanity. Yet they will make such a mushroom cloud and laugh with such ferocity as they fall... oh what a sight it will be to behold as the chopper motors away from that cloud. And how bittersweet our victory we be over them, for we will know that a greater group of pred the world will not soon again see.